


The Engineer and The Prime Minister

by ZeroToWeirdo



Series: Hartwin Meet-Cutes [4]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Fluff, Humour, It's rated teen for swearing, M/M, Meet-Cute, Non-Graphic Violence, also for the mention of a blowjob, the blowjob doesn't happen though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 02:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5074120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeroToWeirdo/pseuds/ZeroToWeirdo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of them is an engineer, while the other is the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and they're both in a rather hopeless situation. Hopefully they'll survive past their meet-cute.</p><p> </p><p>Basically a series of meet-cutes after I randomized different occupations, two at a time, on some website somewhere. Proving that Hartwin is compatible with, really, any scenario whatsoever, in every universe explored and unexplored.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Engineer and The Prime Minister

**Author's Note:**

> Props to whoever gets the Leonard McCoy reference in here! :3c

Harry woke up with a blistering headache and what felt like lightning traveling up and down the base of his neck. He remained motionless for the longest time, trying to get his bearings, and he swore he could hear someone _moaning_ in agony nearby. The moaning was so loud, the person was probably in the same room…maybe even right next to him…shit, _he_ was the one that was moaning.

 

“Enough of that whining, Harry, you’re a grown man. A little pain never hurt anyone…well, I mean…” He groaned aloud. He couldn’t even _motivate_ himself properly. He remained lying for a while, feeling his mind getting sharper as the seconds passed. He must have been sedated, though he didn’t know how. The last thing he remembered was sitting at his desk, staring at his demonic paperwork and telling Stacy to let his next appointment in.

 

Once his mind had properly cleared, he sat up and assessed his surroundings. He was sitting on a large king-sized bed, comfortable as sin (small mercies) in an extravagantly furbished room, which had an en suite that showed an equally extravagant bathroom. If he hadn’t known better he would have thought it was a luxury suite, but he _did_ know better. Besides, even if he hadn’t already realised that he had _clearly_ been drugged, he would have known from the reinforced steel door without a door handle. He had been abducted.

 

He instinctively reached for his phone in his pocket, and pulled it out before pausing. If they had left his phone on him, what were the chances it would be of any use to him anyways? This place looked like a bloody bomb shelter. Sure enough, he dialled his first number on speed dial (Stacy, his secretary) and all it did was give a long sad beep before an automated voice informed him that the phone was out of service.

 

That left his other two speed dials completely useless. He contemplated dialling them regardless. Perhaps MI6 and Kingsman had some clandestine methods of reaching him, but he decided that was leaning on the side of miraculous. It looked like all he could do was contemplate his situation as he waited for his captors to approach him and make their demands.

 

It was after a good 30 minutes of staring at a grey ceiling that he remembered how he had gotten there. “Valentine…” he growled under his breath, before standing up and rushing to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was an incision right under his right ear, the culprit for his profound neck-ache. “Fucking bastard!” he hissed, pressing at the wound and feeling the chip just under his skin. He spent a while seething in front of the mirror (how could you let this happen, Harry?) when the enormity of Valentine’s ‘proposal’ came back to him. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, all those people, they were going to die. Normal, innocent, _blameless_ people. HIS people.

 

Long, determined strides brought him to the steel door, which he proceeded to strike repeatedly. “Let me out of here this instant! You can’t do this! Valentine! There are innocent people, _children_ , who will die! VALENTINE!” “He can’t hear you down here, guv.” Harry stopped abruptly at the muffled voice that had spoken to him.

 

“What? Who’s there? Open the door.”

“Afraid I can’t.”

“Are you seriously willing to _imprison_ me, to work with this _terrorist_ , and to cause the deaths of millions-”

“I mean I can’t. I’m sort of locked up as well. Open the visor, mate.”

 

In Harry’s panic, he hadn’t even noticed the slide-able steel visor on the door. It took a minute or two to pry open from the inside, but he managed and was soon staring into a brightly lit hallway and across from him was a door quite identical to his with bright green eyes staring back at him.

 

“Hello.” The voice said cheerily.

“I…yes, hello.”

“I’m Eggsy.”

“Harry.” He replied quickly, and wondered if it was polite to tack on ‘Prime Minister of the United Kingdom’ on the back of his introduction. He decided titles didn’t matter while in a hostage situation and said “Pleasure to meet you.” instead.

“Be a bit more pleasurable if we weren’t caged like bloody criminals though, idnit?” Eggsy joked.

“You seem rather calm, considering the situation.”

“Well, I’ve been here for about two weeks.”

“ _Two weeks?!_ ”

“Yeah, I know right? Felt like bloody eternity. Apparently Valentine spent the first few months gathering as many scientists and such on his side, either winning ‘em over or just locking ‘em up. As you can see, he didn’t win me over. You’re old money then, to be brought in late. Valentine believes in ‘prestigious lineages’ and wants to repopulate the fucking world with blue bloods or some shit. Bloody wanker.”

 

There was a sudden stop in Eggsy’s rant, and even from across the hall, Harry could see Eggsy’s ear getting red.

 

“I mean, nuffin wrong with being old money or such…blue bloods is got ‘bout as much right to living as us regular blokes, is what I’m saying…but well, you’re down here, so y’know what I mean, yeah?” he mumbled under his breath.

 

Harry couldn’t help as the thought crossed his mind on how adorable this young man was when flustered and tripping over his words, followed shortly by the thought that this wasn’t the time for crushes, Harry.

 

“Yes, I do agree with you there, Eggsy. There are no hard feelings, I assure you. I just want to get out of here.”

“Well, just give me a few hours.” The young man announced before disappearing from sight.

“What?” Harry felt hope rising in his chest.

“Told you, I’ve been here two bloody weeks. Lot of good my mechanical engineering doctorate would I be if I couldn’t even figure out how to hotwire these bloody doors given a fortnight. I’d be a fucking disgrace to my peers if I waited any longer. I’ve gotten through the panelling, fucking finally, so it’s smooth sailing from here. Lord knows I’m sick of waiting with a thumb up me arse for someone to bloody well save the day and kill the villain. This aint a fucking Bond film.”

  
Harry wasn’t sure if he had ever been so happy to have met such a foul mouthed young man, because clearly Eggsy was exceptionally intelligent and capable of getting them both out of there. Harry could only hope he did it fast enough for them to stop Valentine. 15 minutes of awkward silence brought Eggsy to small talk, asking Harry about his family. Once more, Harry wondered if he should admit that he was the Prime Minister. He decided against it (he wasn’t quite sure why) and talked about safe topics such as his (seemingly permanent, at this point) bachelorhood and his dog. Eggsy talked about his parents, who had recently passed away in a car accident, and about his own dog, JB.

 

By the time their conversation had moved to personal waters, two hours had passed and Eggsy said he was getting close. Harry was thinking of all the different medals he could shower Eggsy with if he managed to get the door open at all.

 

Three hours later, just as Harry was beginning to wonder if Eggsy would get the door open in time, the steel door of Eggsy’s cell swung open and a triumphant Eggsy stepped out of the room.

 

He was wearing a gaudy black and gold jacket, a snapback cap, some rather ostentatious winged shoes, and a mischievous smirk. Harry swore he had never seen anything so beautiful; both because the young man was undoubtedly attractive as well as because he could save him.

 

In fact, Harry was so elated at the thought of freedom, the thought of stopping Valentine, he thought he could feel his blood singing in his ears and his heart thudding loudly against his ribcage. He could also pinpoint this moment in time as the exact moment he lost all sanity and decorum.

 

“If you can get me the fuck out of here, I swear to God, I’ll suck you off so hard you’ll be seeing heaven and angels.”

 

The moment of silence lasted rather long, certainly enough time to make Harry feel his knees weaken with horror as he realised what he had just said. That is, until Eggsy’s dumbfounded look morphed into a particularly smug little smirk. Oh good Lord, what had Harry done.

 

“Is that right?”

Harry ducked his head out of sight, and tried to compose his raging blush. He knew it was futile, but the effort had to count for something.

“Heaven and angels? Well, it’s been a right long time since I’ve heard an offer that good.”

“Eggsy, don’t-just...just, don’t. Please forgive my lack of decorum, I don’t know what came over me.” He still couldn’t bear to look up, but he could practically feel Eggsy’s grin heating his skin.

“I reckon it’s my rugged good looks.”

“Really, if we could just put this behind us-”

“Not every day you leave your white-bread world and meet a downtown boy, eh?”

“-maybe just forget about this?”

“Like I always say, posh boys love a bit of rough.”

“I’m begging you.”

“Beg me later when you’re on your knees. For now, I’ve got work to do. I’m feeling rather motivated.”

“Are you actually going to hold me to that promise?”

“Well, you did swear on God, mate. Wouldn’t want to disappoint the Almighty, would we?”

“…Right.”

“Come off it, I’m kidding! I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to, I’m an engineer not a rapist. I’m just saying, where’s the harm? We’ll both be free and able to go remind Valentine that justice prevails, not sure how we’ll manage that but if we do it will be a miracle and we’ll probably feel like a celebratory romp in the skinny is in order. In which case, we’re just planning ahead. Good management skills, that’s what this is.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Even if Harry _did_ rather want to show his handsome hero a good time, because really Harry, priorities.

“Well, you can’t really fault me for trying. Sorry if I misunderstood or whatever.” And really, Eggsy had no right to look so damned disappointed because Harry was trying to take the high road here and he didn’t need any extra temptation.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, you understand. It’s just…the country, no, the _world_ is in peril, and it won’t stop being in peril even if we stop Valentine. There’s cleaning up to do, the people need leadership, they need help.”

“You’re not just trying to make me feel less stupid, are you?”

“No, and you’re hardly the stupid one. For crying out loud, I’m the one that propositioned a blowjob the moment an attractive man decided to open a door for me.”

“Well to be fair, I am very, very attractive. And this door is rather complicated.”

The door swung open suddenly, leaving Harry to jump back to avoid it, and before him was a surprised looking Eggsy. “Well, apparently not _that_ complicated. Sure is nice when you have proper buttons to deal with, everything goes so much faster.”

 

And really, what was Harry supposed to say to that? They were staring at each other awkwardly for the longest time before Eggsy clapped his hands once and broke the silence. “So…how’s about a kiss and perhaps a promise for a date instead? Let’s say, sometime next week? Lunch maybe?” He asked cheekily.

 

Harry opened his mouth to reply when the sound of gunshots echoed through the hallway. “Shit.” Eggsy jumped into Harry’s room, slamming the door shut before pressing against it and peering through the visor. Harry had a momentary panic attack at the thought of the door locking automatically and stammered out “But the lock-” “It’s okay, I well and truly busted it. This door won’t lock ever again.”

 

With that concern out of the way, Harry pressed next to Eggsy to get a look. Eggsy had a better vantage point, though, and narrated what was going on.

 

“The goons are shooting down the hallway…someone’s heading this way. Whoever their shooting at, he isn’t going down. Three goons down, 10 to go….SHIT, it’s a woman in a suit! She’s fighting them with a bloody umbrella! Bloody hell, it _is_ a fucking Bond film.”

“Wait, a suit and an umbrella? That’s a Kingsman.”

“A who?”

 

The soldiers were retreating past their door, causing them both to duck to avoid being noticed or shot, and soon the woman was next to their door, hiding behind her bullet-proof umbrella. Thinking quickly, Harry shouted over the din, “The door on your left is unlocked, take cover!” Her eyes flashed to his for all of a millisecond before she dived for Eggsy’s cell.

 

Leaning against the doorframe and trying to catch her breath, she eyed Harry for a moment. He could tell by the slight widening of her eyes that she recognised him, but she made no other acknowledgement than a brief nod. “Merlin, I’m outnumbered greatly here. Please tell me you have some magic that can save me here.” The answer appeared to be relatively unsavoury, judging by the pout that came over her bespectacled face.

 

“Is Merlin in the system?” Harry demanded quickly.

“Somewhat, but the satellite transmission is under Valentines direct control in a closed system. I need to stop it at the source, I just can’t get to it.” The woman replied quickly.

“Can your man activate the implants, the ones Valentine shoved in everyone’s necks?” Eggsy demanded suddenly. The woman and Harry looked at him in surprise for a moment, and Eggsy shrugged. “What? They already have explosives strapped to them, why not use _that_ to kill them? It’ll be quick.”

 

The woman nodded and stared ahead as if listening for a while, before smiling at the two of them and saying “I know…I didn’t think of it either.” She nodded once more and her face was serious once more. “Both of you, close that opening to your door properly. Merlin will detonate their implants. These doors should seal you from the signal. After 30 seconds, you’re free to leave the room. However, I advise you to stay here till either I or Merlin come to get you. Leave this to us, sir.”

 

Without further explanation, Eggsy yanked the visor back into place and they waited in silence as the sound of explosions shook their cell. “Jesus…that’s a lot of shaking for just a few hundred goons. How many people you think just fucking died?” Eggsy mused aloud and walked over to the bed, plopping down on it with an exasperated sigh. Harry soon joined him, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he felt so exhausted, considering how Eggsy had done all the breaking-out-of-imprisonment and the Kingsman agent had done all the shooting.

 

“I suppose we can go out now…It’s been more than 30 seconds.” Eggsy muttered.

 

“I’m not sure I want to go out anymore. Kingsman are highly capable and should be able to deal with this…and there’s bound to be grey matter everywhere, which is just…no, I think we should just stay here and wait.”

 

They sat in silence for a moment, before Eggsy cleared his throat and asked with all the nonchalance of a toddler trying to be sneaky, “So, what’s this Kingsman group and hows it they’ve got state of the art bulletproof nylons dense enough to deflect bullets despite only having a small amount of supported surface area?”

“…you mean the umbrella?”

“Hell yes, I mean the umbrella.”

“Would you believe me if I said they were an elite spy agency?”

“….I think I would, yeah.”

 

Harry paused and began explaining the origins of the organisation. Eggsy enquired if he was a part of the organisation, to which Harry determinedly said “Hell no”, though he did mention that should be die without an heir, there were worse things his money could end up funding than what was shaping up to be the saviours of the human race.

 

“Do you think they’d take my resume if I sent it to them? I’ve always fancied working in a spy agency.” Eggsy asked rather seriously. A knock on the door interrupted their reply as the woman from before entered with a haggard but happy look on her face.

 

“Valentine is dead, the area is secure. Mission successful. We’re moving you both out now and other Kingsmen are on the way to help out with the other hostages. Come, I’ll take you to the plane.” They both followed her wordlessly, trying to ignore the various headless bodies decorating the halls, till they reached the hangar bay. Standing at the bottom of the stairs of a small private jet was Merlin, whose shoulders relaxed greatly as he was Harry approaching. He grinned wide and held a hand out, and Harry shook it fervently.

 

“Sir. It’s good to see you’re alive and well. When you went missing, for a moment I feared we had lost you as we had Arthur.”

“Don’t tell me he…”

“He betrayed us all. And you, sir, you’ve got your work cut out for you when we get back. We need you now more than ever before.” Merlin paused and looked to the confused looking young man next to Harry.

 

“You there, I saw the work you did on that door from Roxy’s video feed. That’s some amazing work, for an ill-equipped prisoner.”

Eggsy preened at the praise and shuffled a little. “Well, ill-equipped isn’t really accurate. They had titanium martini tumblers that came in really handy to get through to the door’s wiring.”

“Well, it was brilliant nonetheless. And we owe you a great deal, for suggesting detonating the implants. I’m Merlin, by the way.” He extended his hand.

“Eggsy Unwin.” He replied quickly and shook his hand back.

“Just so you know, Kingsman is hiring at the moment. I want your resume by 9.00 a.m. tomorrow, Mr. Unwin. Just a formality, I assure you.” He replied, before asking Roxy to join him in the cockpit as co-pilot.

 

They both got on and Harry was about to join them when Eggsy grabbed his sleeve.

“You know him personally or something? Why was he calling you sir?”

Shit, Harry knew he should have mentioned the Prime Minister thing. “Well…we went to school together for most of our lives.”

“Yeah? And the sir part?”

Why did Eggsy have to be so intelligent? “That is a bit more complicated.”

“Complicated how? Are you really that famous, or are you knighted or something? Wait a second…come to think of it, you look familiar, bruv. You a movie star?”

“A movie star?”

“Yeah…a singer or somthing?”

 

Harry sighed deeply, ran a hand through his hair and shuffled his feet rather insecurely before deciding that while the cat was out of the bag, he might as well let it run.

 

“I…I beg your pardon, but I’m the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.” And really, Harry knew he should have mentioned it before, especially with how Eggsy was turning white as a sheet.

“…Oh, bollocks.”

“Well, it’s understandable, I don’t have a very memorable face.” What was he fucking saying, of course he had a memorable face, and he was the leader of their bloody country, along with quite a few others. It was more shocking that Eggsy hadn’t recognised him at all. And now the boy was practically in hysterics.

“I’m so sorry, sir, I didn’t recognise-”

“No, no, it’s quite alright.”

“-and you look so different on the telly-”

“Really, Eggsy, it’s not a problem.”

“-so handsome in real life.”

“Well, thank you, Eggsy.”

“Shit…I practically forced you into a date as well. Shit, you never even actually said yes. Shit.”

And no, there was no way Harry was letting him take back that invitation to lunch, he would bloody well have his date with this brilliant young man that was with him throughout what could have been the apocalypse.

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes, to the date, next week I believe you said. And I think I still owe you one kiss for getting me out of there.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Shut up, Eggsy. Your Prime Minister commands it.” He retorted before pulling Eggsy into a kiss by the lapels of his gaudy jacket. He could feel Eggsy’s body relaxing in his grip, his own beginning to sag in the calm after the storm. They almost didn’t notice the jet’s engines coming on and the wind ripping around them.

 

“Hate to interrupt, but we’re leaving with or without you, sir. No pressure.” Merlin shouted from inside the plane. Harry and Eggsy separated with a laugh and made their way up the jet’s stairs, hand in hand. The next few months would be hell on earth dealing with the V-day aftermath, but at least Harry had a date to look forward to next week. Small mercies, and all that.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just so everyone knows, I was working off of the brainchild that those who were imprisoned still got chips implanted in their necks, probably for leverage against them later on. Would make things easier for Valentine to control them in a post-apocalyptic world. In case y'all were wondering.
> 
> It's been so long! Sorry for the delay, peeps. Here's a new fic for the collection. Hope to write a new one soon. Don't forget to find me on [my tumblr](http://zerotoweirdo.tumblr.com/) if you're looking to chat with me or maybe send me a prompt (I like prompts). 
> 
> Also, please kudos and comment! I love love love comments!


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